come what may

March 31

Thu, 01 Apr 2004 05:29:17 GMT

Smith was no fool, and no swindler. An honest man until the end, as far as anyone reachable for comment could judge.

Olabel was not reachable for comment. Her mug rattled lazily along thirty four black bars, we're told sideways, from the dripping ceiling to the earth.

June 20

Sat, 21 Jun 2003 01:31:59 GMT

The enterprising Smith had surely anticipated every MAP-related issue. All visible or calculable outcomes had been duly considered. Can you believe it? Science and knowledge have progressed a great deal.

MAP seemed a little callous to some people at first, a bit of an unexpected and frightening solution even to a completely dire and inexplicable problem, but the indisputable logic of . . . logic . . . was right there in the numbers. And the numbers were a matter of public record. Moreover, the fabled attraction
of the Colony's atoms to one another only proved the real-life applicability of posited functions. Who could argue?

April 21

Tue, 22 Apr 2003 03:36:59 GMT

April 21st was a day of adjustments for the Chromosphere Colony.

Energy storms beyond your and my comprehension splintered the hollow sphere into trillions of displaced atoms. In one mere instant the sturdy structure was pulp.

Each atom of the Chromosphere Colony had been tagged, however, to return to its intended location in case of a rupture. Which is to say, each atom would navigate directly towards specific other atoms, also tagged to navigate toward it. Like magnets, or people. EntropyGuard Intl., a Polish concern, had been paid an undisclosed but assuredly vast sum by MAP to implement this amazing but necessary technology.

Thus, the colony re-grouped.

April 21

Tue, 22 Apr 2003 03:21:59 GMT

And that was the very successful kick-off of MAP!
D.G. Smith had surely gotten the ball rolling!

But where had the Presbyterian church gone?
There were 10 (ten) conflicting theories, each equally false.

April 15

Wed, 16 Apr 2003 00:57:10 GMT

"Planet Earth is. . ."
Agency: Goodby, Silverstein, and Partners
Creative: Jeff Benjamin

Services Provided:
Motion Graphics
Technical Direction
Engineering

{script read by famous actor}

"Hi, I'm horse-hero Christopher Reeve. What is Planet Earth?"

(long shots of rubbish, a frustrating grade school examination, and asparagus in bland green monochrome)

Fade to black.

Title: "Maybe we should leave."
Final Title:"MAPintiative.org"

April 13

Mon, 14 Apr 2003 02:56:24 GMT

Smith, though, was no more a scientist than you or I. His most valuable skills were in areas like:

- Charisma
- Brainstorming
- Power-having

MAP began as a concept, not a product, and Smith sold it to the human race far before he had anything tangible to offer. He used some of the above skills to do so.

One thing in particular that he did to this end was filming a persuasive advertisement:

April 8

Wed, 09 Apr 2003 00:45:40 GMT

We all know the old adage, "Absolute Power Corrupts Absolutely!"

But for D.G. Smith it wasn't true, which was weird, and many people felt like they wanted to be suspicious but there just wasn't any angle for it.

April 8

Wed, 09 Apr 2003 00:40:08 GMT

D.G. Smith was so brilliant.

His first act as a wealthy man was to become even wealthier. The magazine "Newsweek" wrote an article about him, actually.

In it, the writer explained that Smith had devised a way for companies to make a profit by being completely selfless in every conceivable way. They gave examples of companies (thanks to Smith's counsel and knack for fiscal brilliance) who were accruing a king's fortune daily by investing all of their assets in homeless shelters and soup kitchens.

April 8

Wed, 09 Apr 2003 00:28:43 GMT

The Move-Along-Please Intiative was, in spite of its name, an initiative. In the interest of saving time people called it MAP.

These are some randomly selected real-life examples of how people might use the term MAP:

"[my] MAP project will give humanity a fresh start. No longer nursed into apathy by the gentle yielding environs of mother earth, and instead challenged by boundless restriction, the human race will once and for all approach its true creative capacity."

"MAP is the most brilliant strategy mankind has ever known."

"I can't tell if MAP is real or not."

April 3

Fri, 04 Apr 2003 05:15:41 GMT

America is a country that enjoys its money. She likes to see her dough cycling around, too, not cooped up in one place all the time.

The original units of her labor system were black people, who have since been outsourced by robots.

Daniel Glenn Smith fancied himself an heir (if not the heir) to a grand American entrepreneurial and benevolent managerial tradition. In particular he felt an affinity for E.H. Harriman, once Chairman of the Union Pacific Railroad, who was considered a very honest man.

D.G. Smith never wished anyone any harm, least of all when he launched the Move-Along-Please Intiative, from which was extracted the Chromosphere Colony.

April 2

Wed, 02 Apr 2003 05:28:57 GMT

Theirs were two distinct worlds, thanks to the wall and other things. Olabel and Bill White never even thought about each other.

On the night of April 1, Olabel slept on the sidewalk. She slept until an officer of the law (C.O.P.) tapped her on the shoulder and requested that she go away. On the other hand, Bill White could set his alarm clock to any time he wished.

But the Chromosphere Colony was an even more distinct world. It didn't have a single alarm clock, C.O.P., sidewalk, or concrete wall. In fact, it was as of April 2 nothing but a hollow sphere, guarded by a viscous casing, bouncing to and fro and struggling to resist fluctuations in temperature. The Chromosphere Colony could fit about 6 people, packed like sardines.

April 2

Wed, 02 Apr 2003 05:13:51 GMT

Olabel had nothing that she needed to keep in cold storage, so the concrete wall between her sidewalk and the White Valley Cold Storage Facility was no obstacle to her.

Before the wall had been built, Olabel had attempted to put a photograph in cold storage. The photograph revealed a bucolic landscape with college students lying on the grass, reading books or conversing with others. Lord knows where she found it. This photograph had no need of being kept in cold storage, of course, and Bill White in recognition of this fact did not accept Olabel's sincere offer to pay to keep it there.

But since the advent of the concrete wall, Olabel had ceased to take any interest in Bill White or his enterprise.

April 2

Wed, 02 Apr 2003 04:57:59 GMT

Bill White was watching the local news broadcast. A few minutes in, he switched off the television.

He waltzed over to the console that displayed the temperature and humidity controllers, which he checked and double-checked. Everything was fine as far as Bill was concerned.

Bill then did certain other things, such as leaving work for the night.

April 1

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 04:49:37 GMT

"No word yet on whether Sisqo will release a Christmas version of the song in time for Christmas."

The camera panned to the as-yet unintroduced anchorwoman.

"I think we would all like to have that CD for our Christmas present, Leroy. Because things are really terrible right now."

Back to the anchorman.

"In our second-to-most-important story, the independent contractor in charge of the Chromosphere Colony met with government officials today to . . . "

April 1

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 04:49:02 GMT

"As many of us know, America is at war, with the opponent being Iraq. This conflict seems very important. But here at home, the entertainment industry must steamroll onward."

The anchorman cleared his throat.

"For example, Sisqo's "The Thong Song" is precisely as popular as when it first hit the charts in the year 2001. Despite falling off of the charts, the whimsical, rhyming, and sexy title of the song continues to cross the lips of Americans an estimated 100,000 times per week. That's a lot of times. Moreover, musicologists say that a parody of the song has recently been written, thus reminding fans of the original hit and bringing them back into stores to buy it again and again."

pause

April 1

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 04:35:51 GMT

"We're 20 seconds to air, Mr. Ghee."

Ahem. The anchorman straightened his tie.

"10 seconds. . ."

A green light!

"Good evening, and I'm Leroy Ghee for CBS 5 in Wichita. Tonight, the status of the Chromosphere colony. We'll speak to a former insider with potentially interesting information. And a new prescription drug promises to reduce the risk of toppling over by as much as 40%. But first, our top story:"

pause

March 31

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 03:02:20 GMT

"The Chromosphere Song"*

CHORUS

The house on the sun is on or near the sun, like i said
It was the most logistically ambitious place to construct it
But we're facing the possibility that this planet can no longer support human life
And if we move to the moon or somewhere similar we may end up with the same problems we have right now.

So the thinking is that perhaps if we do something as drastic as transporting the entire human race to the surface of an entity which we cannot possibly put even a dent in, we will be humbled to the point of behaving ourselves . . .

Come on
Come on
Come on
yeahhhh yeah

Uh alright
Uh whoa yeah
Ooh
Whoa

. . . fade out

March 31

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 03:01:25 GMT

"The Chromosphere Song"

BRIDGE

Perhaps we'll run for our lives lives lives
Although on the other hand things might be fine fine fine
But, just in case, they built a house house house

Uh

Now I'll sing it again
Perhaps we'll run for our lives lives lives
Although on the other hand things might be fine fine fine
But, just in case, they built a house house house

On the sun

House of Chromosphere!

March 31

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 02:58:19 GMT

"The Chromosphere Song"*

VERSE
Some astronauts
all volunteered to go
and live near the sun
you know
cuz natural laws as we presently understand them are in doubt
hahaha
check it out

ooh this world's so scandalous
and you know that mother nature couldn't handle it
a church disappeared, and the city was miffed
a respite from chaos is our only wish

Uh
A human being must settle in an orderly spot,
in which seven is seven, not to die, not to rot.
'midst an infinite sea, still an anchor can drop,
and its passengers can live 'la vida loca'

March 31

Tue, 01 Apr 2003 01:40:34 GMT

The Chromosphere Song: 2 or "The Thong Song: 2"*

Copyright Infinity Radio Corporation and KLUC 98.3 fm
All Rights Reserved
The music and lyrics used in "The Chromosphere Song" or "The Thong Song: 2" are a humorous parody of "The Thong Song", and were produced and disseminated with the permission of the original publisher. This song is the property of Infinity Radio Corporation and by section 113C of the Federal Revised Copyright Code may not be broadcast without the written permission of the Infinity Radio Corporation and the KLUC "Morning Zoo" program.

*parody

original version:
"Thong Song" or "The Thong Song"
Lyrics: Andrews/Child/Kelley/Robinson/Rosa
Performed by M. Andrews
Arranged by K. "Babyface" Edmonds
Copyright 2000 Desmophobia/K Money Music

March 30

Sun, 30 Mar 2003 17:54:52 GMT

The lot on which the cold storage facility was built had previously been a Presbyterian Church with robust Sunday attendance, a well-dressed choir, and a beautiful pipe organ. One day, though, the church disappeared. The city, baffled and with no other clear choice, decided to auction the suddenly and inexplicably vacant property. The incident was one of the strangest, ever, anywhere. I can't put it any more succinctly than that.

After the auction, the parcel of land was divided into three parts, and the original owner erected three identical buildings which he then sold to three seperate buyers. William White was the last of these, and the only one who haggled over an already bargain-basement price.

It was also William White's decision to build a concrete wall, modeled after the impenetrable barrier between the United States and Mexico, dividing his facility from the nearby sidewalk.

March 30

Sun, 30 Mar 2003 17:54:13 GMT

The inside of the White Valley Cold Storage Facility was not decorated but for some mismatched halogen lamps.

The owner of the building was his own landlord, though he preferred the term, "William White."

(Bill White was forever making dentist appointments that, come the last minute, he was too afraid to keep. Dr. Bobkin's secretary had long since stopped bothering to pencil him in when he called.)

March 30

Sun, 30 Mar 2003 17:10:36 GMT

On March 30, she walked with gentle and deliberate steps along the concrete wall which divided the sidewalk from the White Valley Cold Storage facility. She paced back and forward like a kitten-cat, with no destination and no higher purpose.

"The Thong Song: 2" was stuck in her head, but it was a caricatured version she’d heard on a morning talk-show, one which poked fun at the fledgling Solar colony that had been in all the papers.

She hummed out-of-tune.

The Solar colony was not yet populated.

Her name was Olabel.